so furstrated

OK, I was so frustrated with myself earlier. Sunday I took a huge leap of faith and decided that I was going to start my very FIRST bible study. I'm doing it solo. Well, things didn't go how I wanted them to. I got ready in front of my laptop last night. I had prayed about it. At this point I was very excited and confident. I had read the lesson for the day and the bible passage that went along with it. I had typed out the first question and had started to answer it. Right away I started do get caught up in weather or not my answers were "right" and I gave up and ended up not doing it at all. I know it's the enemy getting to me. It's so furustrating because I want this sooooooooooooo bad that i can't even descirbe to you how bad I want this. I'm not giving up though because if I do that means the enemy won.

reflections

As the year comes to a close it's a time that I take to reflect on the year that I've lived. Through the ups and downs of this past year, I have to say that I've been extreamly blessed. I've made new friends that will probably stay in my life forever. I've experienced two major losses in my life. Although they were painful at the time, I've grown stronger in my faith as a result of each loss. I've set two major long tearm goals for the new year. I want to go back to school and get my college educatation, and I want to have my own place by the end of the year. With God's help I KNOW that I will fulfill those goals.

The Story of the Candy Cane

There were once two villages in a far off land. One was in a valley and one was on a mountain top. The folks in the mountain village wanted to give each person in the valley village a gift of love at Christmas. The people in the valley were having difficult times but those in the mountain village were doing well. (Sometimes when we are on a mountain top, we can help those who are going through a valley in thier lives too.) That is what these mountain folks wanted to to also. So a committee was formed of townspeople to see if someone would be able to think of something special. Money was limited, and each gift had to be of equal value to each person. After much time, discussion, and consideration, a decision was finally reached. An elderly gentleman, who had loved Jesus for many years and who was well respected and loved, came up with the idea of a candy cane. Now you are thinking, what is so special about a candy cane and how can it ever be tied to Christmas. Here is how and why.

1. The candy cane is in the shape of a shepherd's staff. Jesus is our shepherd and we are his flock. A sheep follows his own shepherd, knows his voice, trusts him and knows that he is totally safe with him. A sheep will follow no other shepherd but his own. This is how we are to be with Jesus if we truly follow him.
2. Upside down the candy cane is a "J", the first letter of Jesus' name.
3. The wide red stripes represent the blood He shed on the cross for each of us, so that we can have eternal life through Him. He redeems us and cleanses us with His shed blood which is the only thing that can wash our sins away.
4. The white stripes represents the sinlessness and purity of our Lord. He is the only human being who ever lived on this earth who never committed one single sin. Even though He was tempted just as we are, He never sinned.
5. The narrow red stripe symbolizes that by His stripes or wounds, we are healed. Before the crucifixion, Jesus was beaten, the crown of thorns was placed on His head, His back was raw from the whip. We are healed by those wounds. He bore our sorrows and by His stripes we are healed.
6. The flavoring in the candy cane is peppermint which is similar to Hyssop. Hyssop is of the mint family and was used in the Old Testament for puification and sacrifice.
7. When we break our candy cane, it reminds us that Jesus' body was broken for us. When we have Communion this is our remider of what He did for us.
8. And if we share our candy cane, and give some to someone else in Love, because we want to, it represents the same love of Jesus because He is to be shared with one another in love.

God gave Himself to us when he sent Jesus. He loves us so much He wants us to spend eternal life with him, which we can do if we accept Jesus in our hearts as Savior and Lord.

Famliy Pictures

This is a picture of me and my cousin Lillie who Turned a year old in July.

This is a picutre of my cousin Darien who turned 4 in August


Another Picture of Lillie

A picture of me being goofy


A picture of me and my cousin Michael who turned 6 in August

Another picture of me and Michael


A picture of me and Darien


This is a picture of my cousins Michael and Christinia who turned 23 in June.

These are pictures of me and my family that live in Florida. These were taking during this past summer when we took a trip to see them. It was one of the best weeks of my lives. I don't get to see them often and I miss them tons.

praise music and Thanksgiving.

I find that when I'm listening to good praise music all of my worries and stresses just melt away. Right now I'm listening to Today is the Day by Licoln Brewster and I can't get enough of it. I have been feeling blue as of late and this song just puts me in a good mood and makes me want to Praise my God! :) I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving. Me, my mom and my grandparents are going to eat with my grandmother's mom. I think that it will be good for my grandmother's mom because my grandmother's father went home to be with the Lord last March. This will be the first holiday season that my grandmother will experience without her father. My heart really goes out to her because I've been there and I know how it feels. If I get any pictures I will post them for you all. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

feeling a little blue

I'm feeling a bit blue. With the Holidays coming up quickly, I've been thinking about my dad. My father went home to be with the Lord 5 and a half years ago (it will be six on March 17). Needless to say, it's been rough not having my daddy around. I'll never be able to do some things that I dreamed of as a little girl. As a little girl I always dreamed of my daddy walking me down the isle on my wedding day. That will never happen, and that really makes me sad. In all of this sadness, I have realized that he is much better off now. My father suffered so much while he was alive. He spent his enitre life in and out of hospitals, he was in constent pain, yet he never complained when he had every right to. He took the life he was given and he lived it to the fullest and that's the thing among many others that I loved about my father. In my healing process I wrote a letting go letter to my father and I would like to share it.


Dear daddy,

Hi. It’s your “little girl.” I’m writing this letter to thank you. I want to thank you for all of the incredible experiences we had together. I want to thank you for the lessons you taught me. One of the major lessons that you taught me is to live life to the fullest and have no regrets. You had so many challenges in your life, yet you never complained about them. You never asked why. I find that pretty incredible. You took the life you were given and lived it to the fullest. You have touched so many people’s lives. I am grateful to say that you are my father. I have so many wonderful memories of our time together.

One of my favorite memories of you is when I was about 5 years old. I kept on telling you that I wanted a dollhouse for Christmas. You loved me enough to stay up the entire night before and painted one for me. I was one happy girl. I still have the dollhouse to this day, and I consider it one of my most prized possessions. That’s the thing that I love about you. You always tried to please everyone. You stood your ground and never let anyone get to you. You always stood by your morals and your believes. You didn’t compromise for anyone. You have touched my life in more ways then one. I’m grateful to have had you in my life.

March 17, 2003 will never be the same. That is the day that the Lord took you home. I know you didn’t want to leave me. I’m sure if you had a choice, you would want to still be here with me. You “leaving” was the hardest news I had ever received. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I know you leaving was very unexpected, but the fact that I didn’t get to see you face to face really bothers me. I didn’t get to tell you that I love you. I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart.

I know that you being “home” is the best thing for you. You suffered so much while you were here with me. I know that you aren’t suffering anymore. I know that you love heaven. I just wanted to let you know that mom is doing great. Since you left we have become much closer.
Since you have died, I’ve held on to you because I was afraid to let you go. I thought that if I held on to you it would lessen the pain of losing you in the first place. I’ve found out over time, that isn’t true. Holding on to you has just depended the pain. This is why I’m writing you to tell you that I’m letting you go. I am letting you go because I need to start moving on with my life. I know that is what you want for me. I now know that you will always be with me. I know this is what you would want me to do. You would want me to move on with my life, and not to worry about you. With that being said, I want to tell you that I love you and I miss you dearly. I will see you again real soon!!


Love,
“Your little girl”

Family Pictures

This is my cousin lillie

This is a picture of my cousin Michael

this is a picture of my cousins darien and Michael