feeling a little blue

I'm feeling a bit blue. With the Holidays coming up quickly, I've been thinking about my dad. My father went home to be with the Lord 5 and a half years ago (it will be six on March 17). Needless to say, it's been rough not having my daddy around. I'll never be able to do some things that I dreamed of as a little girl. As a little girl I always dreamed of my daddy walking me down the isle on my wedding day. That will never happen, and that really makes me sad. In all of this sadness, I have realized that he is much better off now. My father suffered so much while he was alive. He spent his enitre life in and out of hospitals, he was in constent pain, yet he never complained when he had every right to. He took the life he was given and he lived it to the fullest and that's the thing among many others that I loved about my father. In my healing process I wrote a letting go letter to my father and I would like to share it.


Dear daddy,

Hi. It’s your “little girl.” I’m writing this letter to thank you. I want to thank you for all of the incredible experiences we had together. I want to thank you for the lessons you taught me. One of the major lessons that you taught me is to live life to the fullest and have no regrets. You had so many challenges in your life, yet you never complained about them. You never asked why. I find that pretty incredible. You took the life you were given and lived it to the fullest. You have touched so many people’s lives. I am grateful to say that you are my father. I have so many wonderful memories of our time together.

One of my favorite memories of you is when I was about 5 years old. I kept on telling you that I wanted a dollhouse for Christmas. You loved me enough to stay up the entire night before and painted one for me. I was one happy girl. I still have the dollhouse to this day, and I consider it one of my most prized possessions. That’s the thing that I love about you. You always tried to please everyone. You stood your ground and never let anyone get to you. You always stood by your morals and your believes. You didn’t compromise for anyone. You have touched my life in more ways then one. I’m grateful to have had you in my life.

March 17, 2003 will never be the same. That is the day that the Lord took you home. I know you didn’t want to leave me. I’m sure if you had a choice, you would want to still be here with me. You “leaving” was the hardest news I had ever received. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I know you leaving was very unexpected, but the fact that I didn’t get to see you face to face really bothers me. I didn’t get to tell you that I love you. I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart.

I know that you being “home” is the best thing for you. You suffered so much while you were here with me. I know that you aren’t suffering anymore. I know that you love heaven. I just wanted to let you know that mom is doing great. Since you left we have become much closer.
Since you have died, I’ve held on to you because I was afraid to let you go. I thought that if I held on to you it would lessen the pain of losing you in the first place. I’ve found out over time, that isn’t true. Holding on to you has just depended the pain. This is why I’m writing you to tell you that I’m letting you go. I am letting you go because I need to start moving on with my life. I know that is what you want for me. I now know that you will always be with me. I know this is what you would want me to do. You would want me to move on with my life, and not to worry about you. With that being said, I want to tell you that I love you and I miss you dearly. I will see you again real soon!!


Love,
“Your little girl”